AMA Responses/FAQs
Below are our responses to real questions we’ve been asked by young people. Check here before making an AMA submission, in case your question has already been asked and answered. We will keep adding questions and responses as we get them, so continue to check in!
Sex, pleasure and masturbation
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Difficulty ejaculating aka finishing or cumming can be a common experience. It can happen for lots of reasons, like:
- Feeling stressed, tired or distracted
- Being anxious about sex
- Drinking alcohol or taking drugs
- How comfortable you feel with the person or in the relationship
Remember that sexual experiences can still be fulfilling without an orgasm or erection!
It can help to:
- Shift your focus from orgasm/cumming and notice how your body feels - the excitement, pleasure, and connection between you and your partner.
- Take some deep breaths and notice sensations you're feeling in different parts of your body
- Our bodies and brains can become used to having an orgasm a certain way or with specific stimulation. The next time you masturbate or have sex, try to change one thing, such as a different position, slowing things down or changing touch.
- There's no need to rush! Take your time during sex. It's okay to stop and start as you both need or want to and to communicate during.
- If you continue to be worried, a GP can provide guidance and support with next steps.
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Many people in relationships and marriage will find that there's times they might be enjoying sex less. It doesn’t mean it’s a problem that can’t be worked through.
If sex is new for you, it can take some time and effort to understand what feels good for you both.
It’s important to get to know what feels good for your own body first. The more you explore what you like, the easier it’ll be to share that with your partner.
The most important thing is to talk openly. Chat with your partner in a kind and curious way about what you like, what feels good, and what you’d like to try. Ask them what they’re into too.
Remember, sex isn’t just about penetration. You can explore kissing, touching, oral sex, different positions, or even try things like lube or sex toys to make it more fun and comfortable.
Talking about this stuff might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier with time, and it can actually bring you closer.
There are heaps of great podcasts, articles, and books if you want more tips on how to have these chats or figure out what you enjoy. You can also check out Yes/No/Maybe lists online. You can do these separately and then discuss your answers. They’re a fun way to learn more about what you both like or want to try.
Everyone deserves pleasurable sex. With time, communication, and patience, many couples build a deeper and more satisfying sexual connection.
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Sexual pain is something that many people experience, for a number of different reasons. The medical term for it is ‘dyspareunia’, and it can have a significant physical, mental and emotional impact. Sexual pain may be experienced by people of any gender, in any relationship, and it may be felt in the vagina, vulva, uterus, pelvis, or penis. Some things that can contribute to sexual pain include:
- STIs, urinary tract infections (UTIs), or thrush
- Having a tight foreskin
- Skin irritation or allergies to latex or lubricant
- Vaginal dryness (lubricant helps this)
- Variations in pelvic floor function
- Vaginismus (when the muscles in your vagina involuntarily tense)
- Vulvodynia (pain in the vulva)
- Endometriosis
- Emotional responses such as negative past experiences, stress, anxiety or relationship problems
- Sex can also feel more painful and different times in the menstrual cycle
- Sex may also be more painful if you aren't sufficiently aroused so don't be afraid of foreplay and taking your time, especially if you are new to having sex
Everyone’s bodies and experiences are different. Talk to your doctor and tell them what kind of pain you’ve been having, and they can do tests and refer you to a specialist. It may be helpful to identify the type of pain you're having - is it deep and internal or is it external? Does it feel like an ache, a burn, a tingle or a sharp pain? Are there any sores or rashes present on your genitals? These questions can help your doctor identify what's happening. Gynaecologists, pelvic pain physiotherapists, and sexologists are some of the professionals who can help you find and treat the underlying cause of the pain.
Remember, despite being common, unwanted pain during sex is not something you have to put up with. Sex should be enjoyable and pleasurable for everyone!
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Orgasms have been defined as the “sudden, involuntary release of sexual tension”. However, it’s hard to define or describe an orgasm because they feel different to everyone and they vary from each other.
They can happen during sexual intercourse or masturbation. They can also happen whilst you’re asleep and dreaming. Some people might be able to have orgasms quickly and for others it takes more time.
Even though orgasms feels physical, they actually starts in the brain - which plays a big role in creating and processing all those pleasurable feelings.
Orgasms usually involve increased heart rate, breathing, a tightening of muscles, and involuntary muscle contractions around the genitals or anus. There may be ejaculation of fluid that comes with this.
Most orgasms last a few seconds, but they can last longer, some feel more intense than others. It depends on the context and every orgasm you have will be different.
During and after orgasms, your body will release feel good hormones that can make you feel relaxed, happy and connected.
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Masturbation is a normal and healthy part of being a human! People of all ages, genders and backgrounds masturbate. Sometimes our society or culture gives us the idea that we should feel guilty or ashamed of masturbating, but this isn't the case. Masturbation is a way to feel pleasure, connect with yourself, and explore what feels good for you and your body. People might also masturbate for stress release or just for something to do! Masturbating can be good for our health and wellbeing, it releases happy hormones like dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin, which can help reduce stress and boost mood.
If you're finding that masturbating is getting in the way of your daily life and stopping you doing activities or spending time with friends, or if it’s becoming painful then it could be good to ease off slightly. It's also good to make sure you use plenty of lubricant, wash and sterilise any toys you use and aren't masturbating with items that could cause you any injury.
Some people may become reliant on one method of masturbating and then find it more difficult to experience pleasure during partnered sex, but this is not the case for everyone. If you are worried about that you can always try experimenting with different positions and techniques. Otherwise masturbation is healthy and normal and no cause for concern. Our bodies are designed to feel good and experience pleasure.
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Experiencing pleasure during sex promote positive feelings towards sex for a number of reasons. Pleasure releases happy hormones such as dopamine and endorphins which can help shape a positive outlook towards sex. Having pleasurable sex can also indicate a good connection and good communication with the person you are having sex with. Experiencing pleasure during sex can help individuals feel good about their bodies and sexual abilities, leading to increased self-esteem and body positivity. Engaging in consensual, pleasurable sexual experiences can also lead to a normalisation of healthy sexuality. Enjoyable, positive sexual experiences reinforce the idea that sex is a natural, healthy, and enjoyable part of life, whilst also reducing shame, stigma and negative beliefs about sex.
Sexuality and gender
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The best thing to do if you misgender someone by accident is to apologise and then keep the conversation going, making sure to use correct pronouns and names going forward. Try not to make a big deal out of it, and don't put the responsibility on the person you misgendered to make you feel better about it.
The same can apply if you hear someone else misgender a person - gently correct them, keep using the correct pronouns, and keep the conversation moving. If you have to continually correct them, try to have a conversation with them later about using the correct pronouns.
Puberty and periods
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Even though your period usually comes once a month it can be normal to miss periods sometimes. The absence of a period is called amenorrhoea. Hormonal imbalances are the most common cause of missed periods.
There are several things that can make cycles irregular, including:
- hormonal birth control
- stress
- travel
- weight loss or gain
- excessive exercise
- It may also be caused by polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), or a pituitary or thyroid disease.
If you previously had regular periods, and you are not pregnant or starting menopause, then it is best you talk to a doctor, who can talk to you about what's going on and do some tests. There are different things doctors can do to treat absent periods, which will depend on the cause.
Everyone's body is different, and your doctor should listen to you and help you figure out what is going on.
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This is quite common, although for some it may happen more often or have more of an impact than it does on others.
Therapeutic supports such as talking to a counsellor or therapist may help you to learn strategies to manage your emotions.
If you find your difficulty regulating your emotions around your period is interfering with your ability to complete daily tasks, it may be worth discussing this with your doctor to see if there are any medical management options available to you.
Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) can cause emotional dysregulation, mood changes, headaches and fatigue one or two weeks prior to your period - so this might be something worth looking into.
Anatomy and body image
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Getting pregnant works the same way for people of all body shapes and sizes. It involves a penis and testicles, which make sperm, and a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, which make eggs. While other factors can affect pregnancy, these parts and processes don't change with body size.
To become pregnant it's important to have regular sex around the time of ovulation. If you've been trying to become pregnant for 6-12 months, you can visit your doctor or a fertility specialist who can do fertility testing and provide you with information and guidance.
In terms of comfort and pleasure, body shape and size can impact how you position your bodies. Everyone, no matter their body, deserves to enjoy sex and their bodies. Pleasure is unique, it might take some time to understand what you enjoy.
You could explore your own bodies separately or explore each other's bodies together. Taking time to find what positions and types of touch feel good. It's okay to lift or move parts of your body, to make things more comfortable. There are a range of props available that can help with positioning, increasing comfort and support.
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It's normal for people to have one testicle bigger than the other. Often the right testicle is larger than the left. It can also be normal to have one hang a bit lower than the other, and these things are usually no cause for concern.
However there can be some instances where different sized testicles can indicate a health problem, and if you are experiencing pain in your testicles, can feel lumps, or there has been a sudden size difference, then you should talk to your doctor.
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Having sex with lots of different people is unlikely to cause erectile dysfunction (ED).
ED is common and can happen at any age. It’s caused by a mix of physical and psychological factors. Stress, anxiety, or issues in your relationships or sex life can all play a part in making it harder to get or keep an erection, especially during penetrative sex.
If you're noticing ongoing changes in your erections and there doesn’t seem to be an emotional or mental cause, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor. ED can sometimes be linked to underlying health conditions or be a side effect of certain medications.
It’s important that you and your partners practice safer sex. This means getting regular STI tests, discussing the types of contraception and protection you want to use and making sure you use these each time to prevent STIs or pregnancy.
It is recommended that you get an STI test with each new sexual partner, then testing again every 3 months even if you don’t have any symptoms.
Safer sex: STIs, contraception, and pregnancy
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If you're looking to prevent STIs, BBVs and pregnancy, the humble condom is your best bet - it's the only contraceptive that does it all. If you're looking to prevent pregnancy, there are many options you can look to!
- Long Acting Reversible Contraceptives (LARCs) are among the most effective, as they mostly remove the element of human error that can contribute to lower efficacy in other contraceptives.
- The oral contraceptive pill is also popular as it is easily accessible and low-cost if you have a Medicare card.
You can also talk to your doctor about:
- The contraceptive ring
- The injection
- Long-term solutions such as tubal ligation or vasectomy.
Just remember that, besides condoms, these contraceptives only prevent pregnancy, not STIs or BBVs, so it's important to still use a condom and get tested regularly
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If you are having safe, consensual, and mutually pleasurable sexual experiences, then this should not lead to any complications with your reproductive health.
Communication about consent, boundaries and STI testing, treatment and contraception is important in every relationship, regardless of how many partners you have. Make sure you’re having open and ongoing conversations with all of your partners to ensure everyone is safe, happy and on the same page about expectations.
When it comes to safer sex remember that condoms are the only form of contraception that protects against both STIs and pregnancy. Condoms come in different sizes and different materials, and they also make condoms to go inside vaginas as well as the more commonly known ones that go on penises! It is best to get tested for STIs every 6-12 months, even in long-term monogamous relationships. Make sure you also get tested with any new partners, especially if you plan to have sex without using a condom.
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Condoms are the cheapest and easiest option to prevent against STIs and BBVs. They're readily available at chemists, supermarkets and even petrol stations and anyone can buy them. Other precautions you can take include regular testing - even in a long-term, monogamous relationship it's still recommended you test roughly once per year. Clinics such as the Melbourne Sexual Health Clinic offer free testing, even without a Medicare card. If you have HIV or are having sex that may expose you to HIV, talking to your doctor about PrEP is another option to look at. It's important to note that PrEP won't protect against other STIs.
Resources and education
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This depends on what your concern is! If you are worried about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or blood-borne viruses (BBVs) you could talk to your doctor or a sexual health clinic to get testing and treatment. If you are concerned about sexual function, you could talk to your doctor to investigate any physiological or biological causes, or you could talk to a sex therapist about any emotional or psychological causes. For sexual assault or harassment you can call a phone line such as 1800 RESPECT or talk to your local Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA).
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Your boundaries around any activity, including sex, should always be respected. If you feel someone is crossing your boundaries and not respecting your "no" then the activity is non-consensual. You can call services such as 1800 RESPECT or your local CASA (Centre Against Sexual Assault).
For specialised community support you can contact Rainbow Door or Qlife for LGBTQIA+ people; Djirra or 13YARN for First Nations people; or inTouch for migrants and refugees.
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Reproductive health is a really important topic that affects our bodies, health and general wellbeing, but unfortunately accurate information about reproductive health can still be hard to access and isn’t always prioritised in schools and communities.
Sexuality education educates young people about these topics while they are at school, but it still has a long way to go in making sure it's comprehensive and relevant to everyone. It can be hard to educate via social media as the algorithm often blocks certain words even though they are medical terms related to health, which is wild! Having conversations with friends, family and people you meet in your everyday life can be a great way to educate people. Some people might feel uncomfortable talking about reproductive health and there can still be some stigma around these conversations. We need to change this because it's something everyone should feel comfortable talking about and everyone has the right to access knowledge and information about their bodies, health and lives. However we also want to make sure we talk about it in a way that's culturally safe and is respectful of different experiences people may have had. The more we talk about these topics the easier it will get.
It's also important that people ask their doctors questions – especially around reproductive health. Ask why certain tests need to be done, what are they looking for? Ask them if they offer medical abortions in case you ever need them. Ask them about your fertility, how you can get it tested and what you need to know about it.
Finding and sharing written resources from trusted sources can also help. Some people may not feel comfortable having a conversation straight away, so providing them with information they can read in their own time can help.
